Dealing with the Divorce

Are men getting screwed in divorce? Do women make out better then men? Is this the case financially and emotionally? Much of our culture seems to point that the women of the marriage end up worse off then men but from recent statistics that is not always the case.

One key factoid that I have learned is that of all divorces in America 70% are started by the woman in the marriage. Also interestingly enough about 70% of women end up with custody of the children in the marriage as well. So women start the divorce proceedings and end up with the kids as well. With this fact in mind then I would like to point out that men who are divorced are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide then married men. The aftermath of divorce can result in a tarnished reputation and a lowered self esteem that much of our culture seems to overlook.

So then how does one deal with this as a man? Face it! It is far better to face the facts right in front of you and actually deal with the situation then to let yourself be persuaded either way. If you feel like you have been screwed in a divorce then guess what? You have! It is your beliefs that define you as a person and how you deal with situations in the future. You can either choose to believe that you are a lame duck or rather choose to accept that the other person chose not to keep to their vows. The true level of betrayal is on the one who initiated the divorce.

So for those men that believe that they are getting screwed in divorce then I feel sorry for them. They have yet to realize that it is about how you approach your problems that define you as a man and if you can confront this situation with some dignity then you will be far better off then many of the other men in this world.

When a divorced couple get a divorce it is important to remember the children involved if they have any. These children are also going to experience some of the anxieties and stresses the parents feel when going through such a traumatic event. Even when your children are at the adolescent stage of their lives it can be hard for them to have the ability to move on with their lives and not let their parents divorce affect them so much.

Breaking the news of a divorce should be done as gently as possible so as to not damage the children emotionally. A battle of words between the two parents can only serve to confuse the child’s feelings towards their parents. Do they want to choose sides? Not really as they have feelings for each parent. Do not make the children in a divorce as pawns to be fought over and as you try to win the affections of your child it is very important not to spoil them as this will certainly alter their way they view material things.

Each child is going to be affected in different ways by a divorce. It is important to keep in mind how your child is reacting to this divorce as it is going on. Perhaps the children should also seek counseling as well so what ever relationships they get into as adults are not dramatically affected by this one event.

I have witnessed many divorces in my time and I have to say that how the children react to each divorce is really dependent upon how the parents treat each other during this time. You need to consider those around you as you are going through this difficult time in your lives.

Divorce has typically been the venue for the young crowd. It seems that to be changing. According to the census bureau’s the rate of divorce for those over the age of 55 has doubled since 1980. There are many causes for this and this trend seems to be increasing. It is just a sad testament to how our culture is viewing each other and the institution of marriage.

There are many reasons why women are choosing to divorce their husbands. Perhaps it is the years together they just cannot stand the personality quirks that once attracted them to each other. Perhaps it has been a history of alcoholism and other drug abuse that has finally driven the women to seek something else in their lives. I know that many women claim infidelity as a factor in wanting to get divorced from their husbands. Either way you slice it the women are unsatisfied and unfulfilled with their lives.

However regardless of the factors stated above the most significant reason why marriages fail at a later age is the desire for more freedom and a need to find their identity. When many men and women finally decide to move on the initial reactions can vary from excitement to fear of having to be alone in their lives.

The fact that divorce is losing its stigma is certainly a factor in the increase in the divorce rate. This is especially true for the gray generation who grew up with a different view of marriage then kids today. The need for something new and different has prompted many to see new partners in life and to seek different experiences. We are just going to have to get used to the fact that many of the older crowd are choosing to chuck in their relationships. No longer are people willing to work things out in their relationships.

As with all divorces a good support system is key to succeeding in these troubled times. Since you probably already have a family and friends it is a good time to rely on them for help in order to get through this.

It is no doubt that the biggest under appreciated group of individual sin modern society must be single parents. The everyday struggle of life is amplified by the fact that these parents are going it alone. Playing both the roles of the mother and the father when you are really only barely equipped to be one is perhaps one of the greatest hurdles anyone can face in life.

One of the biggest struggles you are going to have as a single parent is the financial strain that this puts on the family. The mortgage payments alone can be quite steep if there is only one bread winner in the family. The best way to handle this is to keep your expenditures to a absolute minimum. Perhaps refinancing your mortgage would be an alternative to your financial woes. That is why it is so vital for single parents to keep on top of their credit scores as this can drastically affect how much expenditures go out each month.

Next to the financial strain is the strain of finding competent people to watch over your kids. Many are not fortunate enough to be financially well off that they can spend all day watching and raising their kids. This is where a good support network of other single parents come into play. Not only can you share resources but you can be a emotional sound board when times are tough.

Sometimes as a single parent that you feel responsible to have to everything yourself without any assistance from anyone. Keeping up with the bills, the yard and how your kids are doing at school can be mentally and emotionally taxing on anyone. But you need to keep in mind that you are not alone. There are others out there to help you out if you seek them out. And do not just take help from others but give it as well. This act of giving assistance takes you away from your own problems and allows you to concentrate on others. It is actually kind of therapeutic to give as much as you can.

The struggle of dealing with the loneliness is perhaps one of the biggest emotional struggles you are going to encounter. It is vital to keep enlarging your social circle as this will help you meet others that may be going through the same thing. I would not just rely on other single parents as your friends however. If there is a hobby or a cause that you want to get involved in this would be a great way to expand your circle of friends and get out of your social rut you may have got yourself into.

The dating scene is one of the biggest challenges you are going to experience as a single parent. You must always consider the welfare of your children and who you introduce them to. It is not a wise idea to always bring different women around as this will certainly give them an altered viewpoint on the whole dating scene and could possibly scar them emotionally.

A divorce undoubtedly puts a large financial strain on both involved. That is why it so important to maintain and rebuild your finances after your divorce. So then how does one go about doing this? Well hopefully I will share some useful tips that will get you on your way.

The first step is to apply for some gas cards in your area. These cards are perhaps the easiest to obtain regardless of your credit score. Of course each month I would pay the bill before it is due. If the card allows you to have some revolving credit this is a great way of rebuilding your credit scores over time. Every month you do this will bring you closer and closer to your goal. Just keep the end result in mind and you should be just fine.

The next tip I would do is to find a credit card with a low limit. You can find these credit cards through your local bank or credit union. The benefit of getting a MasterCard or Visa with a low limit is that you will not overspend and keep expenditures low. Always pay off the balance each month. Gradually you will get better and better credit scores and a higher amount of credit. But be very careful with this as you do not want to be a slave to the credit card companies.

Another great way to rebuilding your finances during divorce is to use the in house credit options available. Using in house financing is another great way to getting a great credit history. This credit history is what going to define your future so be very careful with it.

Each divorce brings various stresses upon a couple. It is key to keep your future in mind while trying to rebuild your finances. Having a poor history is not a life defining moment rather just a stumbling block on your road to true financial independence. How you deal with this stumbling block is how you are going to define your future.

Divorce is perhaps one of the rockiest and roughest times any person can go through. The feelings that come up an d the strain on both parties make the experience horrible. However it is possible for a smoother divorce if you follow some of these guidelines that I found to be very helpful.

The very first thing I would do is to become as well educated as possible on all aspects of divorce. The more knowledge you have the better off you will be. Make sure you know about all aspects of divorce from your state as each state has different requirements. Be specific as possible. Read articles and books from both points of view and not just the man’s point of view. Try to get into the mind as to what your wife might pull on you and be prepared for it. Preparation is key here.

A smoother divorce is always keeping on the “high road” and behaving perfectly. IF you are constantly bickering back and forth all you will do is cause stress to yourself and to your soon to be ex-wife. That is not a good situation. Also statistically judges tend to side more with the spouse that takes the “high road” then those that make life difficult for the other partner. So you will end up with more benefits in the long run.

Plan all the available outcomes possible. The worst case and best case scenarios are something you must consider. Write these scenarios down and plan for them. Can you circumvent some of the tactics your wife will play on you in order to get the upper hand. If you can anticipate these tactics you are far better off.

Always try and negotiate in all aspects of your divorce. Seek peace at all times. Do not cause troubles for your wife’s lawyer.

The final tip I have is to become about the best expert on divorce law that you can. Now I did state you should be very well educated but that was in how to handle divorce as a man. However what I am talking about is how to read and understand every letter in a legal document. Fully understand what you are signing before you do so as this will most likely come and bite you if you do not understand. Knowledge overall is key to a smoother divorce.

Many men choose to live a life of ignorance. This ignorance comes from a belief that everything is just fine and dandy and that nothing is wrong. This is especially true in relationships. Men are not as focused on relationships as many women are so they cannot tell the signs when a divorce may be in the works. However those signs are there and if you keep an eye out for them you can either save your marriage or be prepared when the divorce battle comes your way.

The first way to tell if something is wrong is by the amount of attention your wife gives you. If she gives you more attention then she may be feeling guilty about having an affair and is trying to make up for it. However she may also become more critical of you as she is trying to justify a divorce. Either way it is best to keep close attention as to how your wife treats you as this is a clear indication something is up.

This attention is also reflected in the amount of sex your partner chooses to give you. Sometimes she gives you more opportunities for sex or withdraws from you. Again like the above example it is always best to keep close attention to this as this may indicate something is wrong.

Paying attention to your finances is one of the best ways to find out she is having an affair. Frequent nights out at some restaurants or paying closer attention to herself at spas and beauty salons is a clear indication that someone else may be getting her attention.

Does your wife buy more sexier clothes but does not wear them around you? Well you have just found out that your wife is cheating on you. A new perfume or hairstyle while normally nothing to worry about can be a indicator with other signs of another relationship.

Lastly how does she respond on the phone. If there are a lot of whispers and muted conversations then most likely she is having an affair with someone else. A new cell phone or some other form of communication that you are not aware of is a flare that she no longer interested in keeping this relationship going and plans on getting a divorce.

I find it interesting that men can be some of the most attentive creatures on this planet. However when it comes to their own relationships many men choose to ignore the signs that are clearly laid out before them. It is very important that you keep yourself protected at all times and make sure you watch over what you are doing as this can really save you a bundle during a divorce.