Dealing with the Divorce

Divorce is certainly a costly endeavor. Just financially the lawyers and the separation process can really hurt a person. Even though the stigma of divorce is gone the decision to get a divorce should not be taken lightly.

Infidelity is perhaps one of the greatest reasons for divorce. Many relationships simply cannot recover from a cheating spouse. The sense of betrayal and loss is just too much for many men and women. Not only does this cost from a financial perspective but also from an emotional one as well. These scars can be felt for years and hurt future relationships. That alone can be one of the costliest reasons for divorce.

If there are children involved the legal fees and court hearings for child custody battles can extend and prolong any divorce. Just trying to keep a relationship with your child can end up costing you emotionally as well. There is just too many costs involved when raising a child in two homes instead of just one. It is double the effort and double the amount of space each child takes up.

Lawyers can only charge for what you can afford. If you can only afford a little amount then they will only work on your case for that small amount of time. Any time after your set budget could actually save you thousands of dollars in future payments in alimony and child custody battles. However the lawyer is out to make some money off your case and does not have the time or the will power to work for free on your behalf. When you have a little amount of money to spend on a divorce it will end up costing you a lot as there are just too many legal loopholes that could be researched and discovered.

There are just too many hidden costs in a divorce that cannot be found out until after you have gone through the process. Not only that but divorce can lead to further mental illnesses and this can lead to therapy sessions which also end up costing you big time time the end. Either way you slice it divorce is perhaps one of the most expensive things any couple can do and this is the reason why it should be avoided.

Many women do not go into marriages simply to cheat on their husbands. That is not the reason why they got married in the first place. Rather, many women want what every man wants and that is a happy home. However, in order to fully understand the reasons why women cheat on their husbands we should look to the stages that lead to this act. Like many things in life there are clues and warning signs that point to a dissatisfaction that many women experience in life in general.

The First Stage

This stage is when women feel bored and that there is something missing in their lives. Perhaps this was because they did not have children at the time and that they could travel and see things that now they feel trapped and burdened by the weight of living day to day. The excitement of life has left them and now they are seeking new and other ways to get more excitement in her life.

Sex has become just another chore to get through and is part of her duties as a wife. Many feel as though they are just a tool for their husbands enjoyment. This fear and disinterest in sex can cause much anxiety in many women as they feel as though their husbands will cheat on them in order to get some satisfaction.

The Second Stage

This is the stage when an encounter with someone new stimulates and excites many women. It is this excitement and stimulation that causes many women to feel happy again in their marriages. At least temporarily. Later on the sense of guilt and the burden of having to lie to their husbands becomes too much. Many women take this guilt out on their husbands by making them feel unwanted and unworthy of their affection. This is a way to get their husbands to cheat on them and not to feel so guilty in the relationship.

The Third Stage

The third stage is when the women feel that they should continue having their affairs and perhaps consider divorce. The reason for this is caused by a chemically induced feeling of elation that a new relationship is starting in their lives. This confusion causes many women to believe that they have met their true soul mate. Many believe that if they are given space from their husbands that all will seem clear again and that their lives will get back on track the way it was before the affair.

The Final Stage

This is when the final decision is made whether or not to divorce a husband. The sense of relief from a wife can be great at this stage as she feels that this whole mess will be over soon.

Later on we then see that those that have gone through a divorce feel a sense of guilt and remorse for having put their relatives through that whole mess. Interestingly enough many women confess to continue to having the same feelings about their new husband and relationship as they did in the previous one. It is though nothing changed and that they are going through another bad stage in their lives that is brought upon from the weight of marriage.

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What was the reason my wife cheated on me? Did I do something to cause her to want another man? Did she feel neglected? These are just some of the questions that pass through a man’s head as he is going through these difficult times in his life.

For many women who cheat there are numerous reasons. The main reason is the loss of passion in their lives that they once experienced at the beginning in the relationship. This passion of wanting someone and being equally wanted is part of the reason for such infidelity.

However for many passion is not the only reason to want to cheat. The lack of communication and no emotional attachment can be a part of the reason why women cheat on their husbands.

Like many husbands out in the world we have the desire to provide for our family. Many men feel that they need to do this in a material way. If you keep your wife happy with many material things then many men feel that the relationship will continue on its merry course. However this is really not the only reason why women get into marriages. It is the sense of friendship and companionship that many women want. When they feel that their husbands are no longer providing this then they will seek this out with someone else. When a woman does not feel connected to her husband it causes her to want more. This wanting more in a relationship causes a wandering eye.

So the key factors to keep a woman from straying in a relationship is to keep the passion going in a relationship. Also to it is vital for every man to feel that the lines of communication are free and open. Without clear communication there can be no success in any marriage. Many marriages start with just some simple misunderstandings that get blown out of proportion.

So for a man we must always be on the lookout to keep the passion in our lives and to make sure we fully understand what is going on in our wife’s head. For many this may seem like a daunting task however if you continue to work on your marriage every day then you will be more likely to be successful. Look for new ways to keep your passion for your wife going. Go out with her to new places; seek out new ways to explore your life together. Without some excitement many can get bored and complacent.

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For many men relationships are something that we never paid to close attention to when growing up. This apathy and lack of attentiveness can cause our marriages to fail if we do not pay attention to what is going on in our lives. We as men must pay close attention, but not in a weird way, to what relationships our wife’s are having. This is necessary in order to keep our marriage and our lives from falling apart.

When your woman talks about another man

This is the first warning sign that your wife is thinking about another man. Perhaps he is going through a rough time in his life and your wife wants to help. This is all fine and great but make sure you make it clear that you should do this both as a husband and wife team. Make sure you that you emphasize that team factor as it will make your wife feel more apart of your life as well.

When your wife continues to have business lunches

A seemingly harmless lunch out can definitely turn into something more if not carefully watched. I believe that business should be conducted during normal business hours. There should not be too many reasons why business should be conducted during a lunch date. If this should happen perhaps communicating to the other man that this is really inappropriate behavior and that you have a strong desire to keep your marriage to your wife strong and that this other man should respect this.

Taking a ride home from a co-worker

This is another red flag behavior that should be monitored as well. Many men are chivalrous enough to give a stranded woman a ride home with no ill intent. However, if this happens repeatedly then clearly some action needs to take place. Explaining to your wife how uncomfortable this makes you feel should start the lines of communication to open up. Is there some other person she could ride home with? Does it have to be this particular man? Perhaps she could alternate between her co workers if the situation is such that she cannot take a bus or ride a cab home. Just make sure you make your feelings known and do not come down too hard on her.

While it is good to trust your wife you do not want to let the subtle signs of potential infidelity escape your view. Rather, pay attention to the signs as these are clear signals of something that could lead to a future incident of infidelity.

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Are men getting screwed in divorce? Do women make out better then men? Is this the case financially and emotionally? Much of our culture seems to point that the women of the marriage end up worse off then men but from recent statistics that is not always the case.

One key factoid that I have learned is that of all divorces in America 70% are started by the woman in the marriage. Also interestingly enough about 70% of women end up with custody of the children in the marriage as well. So women start the divorce proceedings and end up with the kids as well. With this fact in mind then I would like to point out that men who are divorced are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide then married men. The aftermath of divorce can result in a tarnished reputation and a lowered self esteem that much of our culture seems to overlook.

So then how does one deal with this as a man? Face it! It is far better to face the facts right in front of you and actually deal with the situation then to let yourself be persuaded either way. If you feel like you have been screwed in a divorce then guess what? You have! It is your beliefs that define you as a person and how you deal with situations in the future. You can either choose to believe that you are a lame duck or rather choose to accept that the other person chose not to keep to their vows. The true level of betrayal is on the one who initiated the divorce.

So for those men that believe that they are getting screwed in divorce then I feel sorry for them. They have yet to realize that it is about how you approach your problems that define you as a man and if you can confront this situation with some dignity then you will be far better off then many of the other men in this world.

There is no easy way to get through a divorce. For children this can be especially true. Children just do not have the experience or emotional maturity to handle a divorce. However there are three key factors to keep children happy after a divorce and make the transition a bit easier.

The first factor is to keep a sense of reassurance that this divorce is not the result of what the child did or did not do. Children can and will blame themselves for things that happen around them. If you keep reassuring them that they are not the one at fault eventually they will get the message and not blame themselves because of what happened to their parents.

The second factor to keep children happy after a divorce is to keep things predictable. Children love structure and predictability. It gives them a sense of control over their lives. This sense of control over their lives makes them far happier then if things are chaotic or out of control. Keep a routine. Perhaps a movie night or a special meal night every week can go a long way to make things go smoother after a divorce.

The final factor is somewhat related to the second in that you want to keep things consistent in their lives. Do not move out of state or even out of the neighborhood unless you absolutely have to do so. A move is a very traumatic event for any child and during a divorce it can be amplified.

These are just some of the guidelines that will help make for a happier home life and if you have a happier home life all other things will come into order as well.

Divorce has typically been the venue for the young crowd. It seems that to be changing. According to the census bureau’s the rate of divorce for those over the age of 55 has doubled since 1980. There are many causes for this and this trend seems to be increasing. It is just a sad testament to how our culture is viewing each other and the institution of marriage.

There are many reasons why women are choosing to divorce their husbands. Perhaps it is the years together they just cannot stand the personality quirks that once attracted them to each other. Perhaps it has been a history of alcoholism and other drug abuse that has finally driven the women to seek something else in their lives. I know that many women claim infidelity as a factor in wanting to get divorced from their husbands. Either way you slice it the women are unsatisfied and unfulfilled with their lives.

However regardless of the factors stated above the most significant reason why marriages fail at a later age is the desire for more freedom and a need to find their identity. When many men and women finally decide to move on the initial reactions can vary from excitement to fear of having to be alone in their lives.

The fact that divorce is losing its stigma is certainly a factor in the increase in the divorce rate. This is especially true for the gray generation who grew up with a different view of marriage then kids today. The need for something new and different has prompted many to see new partners in life and to seek different experiences. We are just going to have to get used to the fact that many of the older crowd are choosing to chuck in their relationships. No longer are people willing to work things out in their relationships.

As with all divorces a good support system is key to succeeding in these troubled times. Since you probably already have a family and friends it is a good time to rely on them for help in order to get through this.