Dealing with the Divorce

For many years it was a foregone conclusion that the primary custody of the children in a family would go to the mother. However, that is changing as more father’s stand up for their right to raise the kids and gain primary custody. In many cases it is best for the children to be placed in the physical custody of the father. For instance if the family consists mainly of boys then a strong male is what is needed and can benefit the children.

The assurance that the mother will gain sole custody of the kids is changing primarily due to the landscape of the workplace. As women have fought and won more rights in the workplace this has opened the door for more men to get primary custody of their kids. A wife cannot claim that she cannot earn as much as her husband like she used to. As the workplace landscape changes so does the prospect of single father’s raising the kids. What does this mean for our society? For many decades if not centuries the husband has been depicted as the sole bread winner with the wife staying home and raising the children. This shift in social consciousness has to be considered and how will this affect your family.

One of the many factors to consider when attempting to gain custody of the children is who was the primary person in the family who took care of the kids? The reason this is important is that children thrive on routine and order. Disrupting that order by placing the other parent in charge is very stressful to the kids and can disrupt their growth as well rounded individuals.

One of the best ways to gain custody of the children is to have proof of the amount of effort and care you placed on the children. Another factor is to have a great attorney that has successfully won custody for other father’s in your area. This is vital as having a history and someone who knows the ins and outs of the law is the best way to gain custody of the children.

Above all have the proper documentation that you were the one that took care of the kids. Pictures of you at their soccer practice, receipts of instruments or other family oriented activities can go a long way in a judge’s eyes.

If you are in a child custody battle at the moment there are resources to help you out. Many of these books have been written by fathers and those who have gone through the process. This manual can really help you in your struggle to gain custody of  your children.

When a divorced couple get a divorce it is important to remember the children involved if they have any. These children are also going to experience some of the anxieties and stresses the parents feel when going through such a traumatic event. Even when your children are at the adolescent stage of their lives it can be hard for them to have the ability to move on with their lives and not let their parents divorce affect them so much.

Breaking the news of a divorce should be done as gently as possible so as to not damage the children emotionally. A battle of words between the two parents can only serve to confuse the child’s feelings towards their parents. Do they want to choose sides? Not really as they have feelings for each parent. Do not make the children in a divorce as pawns to be fought over and as you try to win the affections of your child it is very important not to spoil them as this will certainly alter their way they view material things.

Each child is going to be affected in different ways by a divorce. It is important to keep in mind how your child is reacting to this divorce as it is going on. Perhaps the children should also seek counseling as well so what ever relationships they get into as adults are not dramatically affected by this one event.

I have witnessed many divorces in my time and I have to say that how the children react to each divorce is really dependent upon how the parents treat each other during this time. You need to consider those around you as you are going through this difficult time in your lives.

Divorce has typically been the venue for the young crowd. It seems that to be changing. According to the census bureau’s the rate of divorce for those over the age of 55 has doubled since 1980. There are many causes for this and this trend seems to be increasing. It is just a sad testament to how our culture is viewing each other and the institution of marriage.

There are many reasons why women are choosing to divorce their husbands. Perhaps it is the years together they just cannot stand the personality quirks that once attracted them to each other. Perhaps it has been a history of alcoholism and other drug abuse that has finally driven the women to seek something else in their lives. I know that many women claim infidelity as a factor in wanting to get divorced from their husbands. Either way you slice it the women are unsatisfied and unfulfilled with their lives.

However regardless of the factors stated above the most significant reason why marriages fail at a later age is the desire for more freedom and a need to find their identity. When many men and women finally decide to move on the initial reactions can vary from excitement to fear of having to be alone in their lives.

The fact that divorce is losing its stigma is certainly a factor in the increase in the divorce rate. This is especially true for the gray generation who grew up with a different view of marriage then kids today. The need for something new and different has prompted many to see new partners in life and to seek different experiences. We are just going to have to get used to the fact that many of the older crowd are choosing to chuck in their relationships. No longer are people willing to work things out in their relationships.

As with all divorces a good support system is key to succeeding in these troubled times. Since you probably already have a family and friends it is a good time to rely on them for help in order to get through this.

It is no doubt that the biggest under appreciated group of individual sin modern society must be single parents. The everyday struggle of life is amplified by the fact that these parents are going it alone. Playing both the roles of the mother and the father when you are really only barely equipped to be one is perhaps one of the greatest hurdles anyone can face in life.

One of the biggest struggles you are going to have as a single parent is the financial strain that this puts on the family. The mortgage payments alone can be quite steep if there is only one bread winner in the family. The best way to handle this is to keep your expenditures to a absolute minimum. Perhaps refinancing your mortgage would be an alternative to your financial woes. That is why it is so vital for single parents to keep on top of their credit scores as this can drastically affect how much expenditures go out each month.

Next to the financial strain is the strain of finding competent people to watch over your kids. Many are not fortunate enough to be financially well off that they can spend all day watching and raising their kids. This is where a good support network of other single parents come into play. Not only can you share resources but you can be a emotional sound board when times are tough.

Sometimes as a single parent that you feel responsible to have to everything yourself without any assistance from anyone. Keeping up with the bills, the yard and how your kids are doing at school can be mentally and emotionally taxing on anyone. But you need to keep in mind that you are not alone. There are others out there to help you out if you seek them out. And do not just take help from others but give it as well. This act of giving assistance takes you away from your own problems and allows you to concentrate on others. It is actually kind of therapeutic to give as much as you can.

The struggle of dealing with the loneliness is perhaps one of the biggest emotional struggles you are going to encounter. It is vital to keep enlarging your social circle as this will help you meet others that may be going through the same thing. I would not just rely on other single parents as your friends however. If there is a hobby or a cause that you want to get involved in this would be a great way to expand your circle of friends and get out of your social rut you may have got yourself into.

The dating scene is one of the biggest challenges you are going to experience as a single parent. You must always consider the welfare of your children and who you introduce them to. It is not a wise idea to always bring different women around as this will certainly give them an altered viewpoint on the whole dating scene and could possibly scar them emotionally.

A divorce undoubtedly puts a large financial strain on both involved. That is why it so important to maintain and rebuild your finances after your divorce. So then how does one go about doing this? Well hopefully I will share some useful tips that will get you on your way.

The first step is to apply for some gas cards in your area. These cards are perhaps the easiest to obtain regardless of your credit score. Of course each month I would pay the bill before it is due. If the card allows you to have some revolving credit this is a great way of rebuilding your credit scores over time. Every month you do this will bring you closer and closer to your goal. Just keep the end result in mind and you should be just fine.

The next tip I would do is to find a credit card with a low limit. You can find these credit cards through your local bank or credit union. The benefit of getting a MasterCard or Visa with a low limit is that you will not overspend and keep expenditures low. Always pay off the balance each month. Gradually you will get better and better credit scores and a higher amount of credit. But be very careful with this as you do not want to be a slave to the credit card companies.

Another great way to rebuilding your finances during divorce is to use the in house credit options available. Using in house financing is another great way to getting a great credit history. This credit history is what going to define your future so be very careful with it.

Each divorce brings various stresses upon a couple. It is key to keep your future in mind while trying to rebuild your finances. Having a poor history is not a life defining moment rather just a stumbling block on your road to true financial independence. How you deal with this stumbling block is how you are going to define your future.

Moving on after a divorce can be one of the toughest things any man can do. The reality of the situation is something we are not willing to accept in many cases. The sense of betrayal and loss are sometimes too great for a man to move on. However I can tell you that it is possible for many men to move on as many have and continue to do so every day. However how have these men done this? Well I have some tips that may help.

The first tip is to recognize the situation and accept it. Do not be a victim here. You have gotten a divorce as many men have in the past. It is nothing new. The only person you have control over is you and you alone. We must do dramatic work on ourselves in order to affect the situation and the lives of those around us. It is only through our own actions can we change our own reality. So therefore start working to improve yourself this very day. If that means starting that exercise plan you have been putting off then so be it. How else can we improve ourselves? Get out of our own problems and focus on others. I know many have it worse then me in this world and I know I can help them. By helping others who may be worse off then ourselves it helps to focus on other people and not so much ourselves. Not only will we be improving the lives of those around us but we will definitely enrich our own life.

The second tip is to go out and seek help in this area. Not only have others been through this many have succeeded at moving on. Find these people and see how they have done this. So like the first tip we want to be seekers of help and not just helpers as well. By seeking a support group of friends and family it is far easier to move forward with our lives.

The third tip is to go through all the stages of grieving process. This includes denial, grief, anger and depression as well as some other emotions that you may feel at this time. Do not practice self pity or seek into a depression as this will surely slow your recovery and impede your moving forward with your life.

The fourth tip is to accept the truths in your relationship. Many feelings were hurt during this time of divorce and many things were said and done. Perhaps you feel wronged in some way and your partner feels the same. Who is right? Who is wrong? It is not for you to say since you have biased viewpoint. If you have a unbiased friend that can give you what he or she thinks is the reality of the matter then lean on this person and accept what they say. It is fact and not altered by your jaded viewpoint on life.

The fifth tip is to be as honest and truthful with yourself as much as possible. Do some real reflection on how things went wrong and how you could have been better in your marriage. Learn from your mistakes and take responsibility for them. This will give you power over your future actions and give you a better reality then you had previously. Become a better person through this and do not let this bring you down.

The sixth tip is to learn to forgive and move on. Forgiveness and acceptance of a person is perhaps one of the best ways in order to move on. Letting go of the toxic emotions that well up from a betrayal in a divorce is perhaps one of the best pieces of advice I can give on how to finally let go.

Letting go and moving on is not easy but it is key if you want to succeed in a new relationship. A new person is not going to be attracted to someone who cannot let the past be in the past. This is the key factor for finding new love and find new joys in life.

Divorce is perhaps one of the rockiest and roughest times any person can go through. The feelings that come up an d the strain on both parties make the experience horrible. However it is possible for a smoother divorce if you follow some of these guidelines that I found to be very helpful.

The very first thing I would do is to become as well educated as possible on all aspects of divorce. The more knowledge you have the better off you will be. Make sure you know about all aspects of divorce from your state as each state has different requirements. Be specific as possible. Read articles and books from both points of view and not just the man’s point of view. Try to get into the mind as to what your wife might pull on you and be prepared for it. Preparation is key here.

A smoother divorce is always keeping on the “high road” and behaving perfectly. IF you are constantly bickering back and forth all you will do is cause stress to yourself and to your soon to be ex-wife. That is not a good situation. Also statistically judges tend to side more with the spouse that takes the “high road” then those that make life difficult for the other partner. So you will end up with more benefits in the long run.

Plan all the available outcomes possible. The worst case and best case scenarios are something you must consider. Write these scenarios down and plan for them. Can you circumvent some of the tactics your wife will play on you in order to get the upper hand. If you can anticipate these tactics you are far better off.

Always try and negotiate in all aspects of your divorce. Seek peace at all times. Do not cause troubles for your wife’s lawyer.

The final tip I have is to become about the best expert on divorce law that you can. Now I did state you should be very well educated but that was in how to handle divorce as a man. However what I am talking about is how to read and understand every letter in a legal document. Fully understand what you are signing before you do so as this will most likely come and bite you if you do not understand. Knowledge overall is key to a smoother divorce.